Usually when UNEO MEDIA works with a client we really lock in as a team, working hard to make sure the project comes out the best it can be. That is definitely the case with The Thunder Brigade, a bunch of rowdy cyclists out of New York. Well, you know you’re really “in” with the crew when they feel comfortable enough to roast you in a fake(?) bio. Enjoy:
UNEO wasn’t born as much as he fell out. As principal soprano for The Metropolitan Opera, UNEO’s mother continued performing well into her third trimester. It was opening nite of Puccini’s Tosca in Minnesota’s Twin City Opera. Singing “Vissi d’arte” at the close of Act 2, as UNEO’S mom hit the high notes, UNEO was unexpectedly lowered from his mother’s womb.
“I’ve never really been a fan of Opera,” UNEO was overheard saying to someone not really listening. “Every time I hear it, especially Puccini, I drop to the floor.”
This was used by opposing high school wrestling teams to great effect. UNEO was undefeated junior year in Lowell, Massachusetts. During the state’s qualifier, the Tewksbury High coach cranked the entire libretto of La Boheme.
“I’m not sure I ever really recovered from that,” UNEO confessed to a few people not paying attention.
Like lots of people from the Northeast, UNEO moved to Los Angeles. He wears open-toed shoes, talks about himself, drinks wheat grass juice and hangs around in bars.
“I’m confident I’ll meet Adam Levine one of these days,” he told a woman walking confidently away from him. “I mean… Maroon 5 is THE pop band right now. And I know Adam does yoga…and I do yoga…and I know a yoga teacher…so…I mean…it’s going to happen.”
Eschewing the gas guzzling Toyota Prius, UNEO drives a balloon powered wooden car. “I want to minimize my carbon footprint,” UNEO told the back of a cashier at Trader Joe’s. “I can get at least 2BPB (Blocks Per Balloon).”
When not looking for Adam Levine or minimizing his carbon footprint, UNEO can be found writing computer code. He was last seen talking to a service station attendant who appeared to be listening to an iPod.